3 Common Dialog Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them

Crafting great dialog takes work. And today I’d like to discuss 3 mistakes I see more often than any other.

Let’s look at definitions first.

A dialog tag (also known as attribution) tells the reader who is speaking, but also serves as a type of punctuation.

Example:
“Now are you satisfied?” she said.
“Now,” she said, “are you satisfied?”
“Now are you,” she said, “satisfied?”

Each sentence reads with a different emphasis and expresses a different tone for the speaker.

To state “he shouted” or “she whispered” tells us the manner in which that character spoke and are also dialog tags.

A beat is a sentence describing a character’s action or response and is used before, between, or after dialog. A beat serves double duty because it identifies the speaker.

Example:
“How can it be missing?” Henry rifled through the other desk drawers. “I put Pop’s will in the top drawer just last night.”

Beats add descriptive information that enhances the tone or mood of the dialog.

Dialog can increase the pace of your story. It’s shorter than descriptive paragraphs, thus quicker to read. Beats help control pace.

Let’s take a look at some dialog from my fiction work in progress (WIP), done two ways. The main character is, of all things, an editor. The first with simple tags.

“Okay, spit it out,” Jen said. “Not your food, your problem.”
“I can’t deal with this job anymore.”
“I thought you loved editing.”
“I do. But I want to write my own books, too.”
“We’ve had this discussion before. There’s something else,” Jen said.

Now with tags and beats.

“Okay, spit it out,” Jen said just as I’d begun eating.
I stopped mid-chew, eyebrows raised.
“Not your food, your problem.”
Jen knew me so well. I finished chewing. “I can’t deal with this job anymore.”
“I thought you loved editing.”
“I do. But I want to write my own books, too.” I took a slurp of my Dr. Pepper.
“We’ve had this discussion before. There’s something else.” Jen leaned back against the cushion of the booth seat and looked at me as if I had a fly caught in the corner of my mouth. I wiped my lips.

The first example reads more quickly and communicates a degree of urgency. The second example slows the pace and communicates a comfortable, relaxed conversation between two friends.

Now that you know the definitions and how tags and beats work, let’s move on to those 3 common mistakes.

Too Many Dialog Tags

Beginning writers often tag every sentence of dialog. It isn’t necessary.

The important guide in knowing how often to use a tag is reader clarity. Provide enough so the reader doesn’t get lost about who’s talking.

Misused Beats

Of all the mistakes I see, the following sentence wins first place: He smiled.

I’ve seen smiled occur as many as 100 times or more in a manuscript. Makes my face hurt just thinking about it! When it occurs this often it tells me the writer is trying to offer something different from “he said.” Don’t be afraid to use said.

If your character smiles, fine, but is that what you really want? Maybe what you really want to communicate is a character who grins like the Cheshire cat, or sneers, or smirks.

Make your beats show us the character’s attitude and tone. We can’t hear tone when reading and attitudes like sarcasm come through tone as we speak or through body language.

Example:
“I can’t think of any other reason.” She smiled.
“I can’t think of any other reason.” She smirked.

Use beats to control the pace and show us your character’s mood, actions, or response.

Incorrectly Placing Tags and Beats

Tags are read unobtrusively or as simply as a comma would be acknowledged. When you constantly put them in front of your dialog, you force the reader to read those words as they would any other word in the sentence.

Readers know what quotation marks mean. Put your tags after or between dialog. If you put it first, have a purpose for it.

When using beats, put things in a logical order.

Incorrect: I hoped once I’d told him, that my apprehension would disappear, but the knot in my stomach tightened. “Karl, we’re going to contest the will.”

Correct: “Karl, we’re going to contest the will.” I hoped once I’d told him, that my apprehension would disappear, but the knot in my stomach tightened.

Practice writing some dialog and utilize each of these aspects with the same dialog to learn how each affects the flow and mood. Your dialog will be stronger for it.

Before you go, be sure to read Cecil Murphey’s 9 Aspects of Dialog for advice on what dialog should accomplish.

Got questions? Use the comments below.