Today’s post is from author Chad Campese. Chad is a father, husband, police officer, blogger, and author of the book Confession of a Christian Fraud. He holds a BA in Christian Counseling and psychology, is heavily involved in peer support and recovery when it comes to first responders, and is an expert in living his life and faith as a fraud. These days he simply relies on the leading of the Spirit as he tries to slowly and purposefully take life one day at a time.
Give Up! Now…
Just a free public service announcement to all wonderful, positive, and aspiring writers. The late nights, bottomless cups, and constant checking and rechecking of view, stats, and sales. Stop. Give up. It’s worth it. I promise.
How do I know?
I’ve failed. At everything. Life, relationships, work, and writing. Especially writing.
I had a message, a dream, and a book. Confession of a Christian Fraud (affiliate link) was going to reach millions. How could it fail? God gave it to me! And one day the Lord was going to look down at my efforts while saying, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You’ve done better than most! You rocked out the talent I gave you and produced fruit even I hadn’t imagined.”
I was going to shock the Lord.
Writing gigs, speaking appearances, counseling, life coaching, even another book. Quit my job, change lives, heal people’s hearts. All I had to do was wait.
So I waited. And I failed. Hard. And fast.
On launch day, and the few days after, I sold 125 books to family and friends at a discount. The line chart looked like a missile. Anticipation roared through my veins. How high could it go?
Not very high, apparently. After five days the chart looked like an upside down V. Bottom to top. Then top to bottom. Rock bottom. Fast.
The next few days, as a big fat 0 sat on my sales page. It got to the point Amazon was telling me to pay them just to house the book idea.
I realized everyone that bought the book were friends or family that wanted to support, or already knew, the entire mess I had made of my “Christian” life. They just wanted the juicy details.
This isn’t going anywhere.
I never should have published. God was never in it. It was selfish.
Those thoughts and more ran through my head and heart. My book was an accident. I only wrote it for my family. An apology for the man I was, what I became, all the mistakes over the years.
After reading it, my wife and her friends had this insane thought. This can help people! It would change lives. God was speaking through her. Or so I thought. I was hesitant, but eventually gave in. Wouldn’t it be cool to be a writer? Can I finally leave the police department?
As that zero reappeared every day in my Amazon account, I knew two things. My lovely wife was crazy, and I made a mistake.
But for some reason, I couldn’t let it go. Trust me, I tried.
“Lord, I’m done. I get it, this wasn’t you. It was self-serving. Pipe dreams. I don’t know. But I’m out. I’m moving on.”
I told Him that for days.
Then I thought I heard it, in the quiet, just like before. “No, not yet.” But I wasn’t sure. If you know my story, when God speaks, it tends to be evident.
Time passed. Slowly a few texts came in. A few email messages, Facebook posts, all about my book.
“You have a gift. When are you writing another?”
“I never knew you could write.”
“This really helped me, can I tell you my story?”
More email messages, posts, texts. Now what? Still mostly zeros with one sale here, one sale there, and I’m up to one-hundred seventy sold. Success by the world’s standards? Not at all.
But it got me thinking.
Maybe I just did this backwards. Maybe I am a decent writer. Maybe I should actually look into how to actually do this right instead of just throwing something out there. I told God to make it work while I sat on my butt and waited for the money to roll in.
Problem was, I didn’t have (and still currently don’t have) any connections, no idea how to market, and no clue where to even start. But my message seems to resonate, if people hear it. It certainly made an impact on my small circle. And God won’t let me move on. Now what?
A quick Google search and I had the answer! Email lists, sales funnels, branding, websites, podcasts, Amazon ads, Facebook ads, look, feel, context, collaboration. The world was screaming at me from everywhere. Social media presence, platform, yell louder, work harder, consume everything we’re throwing at you! Become successful!
My mind turned into a puddle of mush. I was double minded, swayed to and fro on the ocean storm. From one idea, to another, to another, and back to the one I didn’t think was working because nothing else was working either, and the first one finally generated a sale.
My social media posts didn’t have enough likes. My blog traffic was abysmal. I didn’t know anyone who did a podcast. Amazon ads were costing me money, but not making any.
My heart, my head, the world, even God pointed their finger back at me, screaming.
Failure! (Maybe not God, but it sure felt that way.)
One day, He forced me to stop.
I looked at my book. I held it, felt the cover, turned it over in my hands as I remembered its message. I was indeed a failure.
And it was the only reason I was currently alive.
God asked me again, quietly this time, but just like before. “Are you ready?”
I knew where that question led. I took a deep breath and said calmly, quietly, “yes.”
So I sat with a coffee and turned off the world as I watched the cows graze in the fields behind my home. I breathed deeply while the clouds cast moving shadows across the waving grass.
I asked God, calmly, openly, with no expectations, what’s next?
“This week you’re going to start interviewing people.”
Huh?
One thing, a simple thing. So I started interviewing people. Those who read my book, lives that were opened and freedom that was given by just being honest, with someone, about their real struggles in life and faith.
My jam. My wheelhouse. My love. Honest conversations, no holds barred, people feeling the peace of being known, honest, and accepted as they spilled the messiness of their lives with me.
I gave up. No more forcing anything. Turning off the world. He may guide back there one day, but for now, literally, I get solid direction as I sit, sip, and watch the cows while I ask and listen.
Finding God’s Success
“Where now Lord? What does success look like to You? Today, this week, this year? Ten books sold, two text messages full of pain and relief? Sounds great. I’m in. Whatever you say success is, that’s where I want to be.”
My sales are horrible (by the world’s measure). I think I’m around 250 in five months. My website traffic is horrendous (by the world’s standards), and to get more Amazon reviews feels like I’m asking someone to give me their first born.
However, my mind is at peace. My world is calm. Many people have shared, confided in, and thanked me. Any success now lies in the slow and steady. Texts, FB messages, posts, and even the occasional Amazon review keep popping up. I stay in the day, hour, and time God has given me, playing with my kids and watching the corn turn from green to beautiful autumn gold while listening to wind chimes.
These days, slowly is all I’m hearing.
Steadily I’m seeing avenues and pathways to explore and venture out to. Last week God said, “Get a hold of this Deb Butterfield who you’ve never met, probably has no time for you, and may tell you to shove off, if she responds at all.” Yet here I am. Thanks, Deb!
Now God’s at the front with His headlamp, compass, and staff. Leading, calling for breaks, telling me when to push, and where to take that fork in the road. Or, as the scenery permits, to just sit down, sit back, and enjoy where He’s taken me thus far.
I’ve interviewed enough people now to know the common thread that joins us all is trying to take control over lives that were never really meant to just be ours. The call, the request, has always been to give it all over to Him.
He will not fail. He will lead. He’s got someone to speak to in a powerful way. And you, my failed, flawed, tired, anxious, questioning writer friend, are just the vessel.
Get ready to be led as you sit back and say…
“I give up, Lord. I need You to take over. What’s next, who’s next, what does success look like in Your story? Who do You need to reach? Because wherever that takes me, whatever it looks like, whatever success looks like, to You…
I’m in.”
About Confession of a Christian Fraud
My life was a wreck. My faith wasn’t working. Where did I go wrong? What was I missing?
Had God left me behind? Did He even care? Why was He silent? Was He there at all?
Police officers hold a unique view of humanity. The people and experiences we encounter everyday sit in stark contrast to a world planned, cared for, and loved by a supposed good Father.
I was a fraud. As my faith crumbled I hid behind the Christian mask. Good, great, I was never better. God is good! It almost destroyed my family, and my life. Until He revealed three final words.
They were my last hope.
Available at Amazon (affiliate link).