Point of view. Think about those words and it will help you.
From whose perspective are you viewing your scene? Whose feelings and thoughts are being expressed in the scene?
Example from my present WIP:
Chase stared at Karl with what he hoped was a questioning, please-continue look in his blue eyes, but Karl just sat there like a dog refusing to fetch. He took a deep breath, clearly concerned and struggling for words.
Explanation:
We are in Chase’s POV. He is describing what he does (stared at Karl), and because he can’t see his own face describes what he hopes he’s trying to convey (a questioning, please-continue look). Chase goes on to describe Karl’s behavior (doesn’t respond, takes a deep breath, Chase sees concern on Karl’s face and discerns that Karl is struggling to find his words).
Practice: Whose POV is this in?
The breath Chase had been holding escaped violently, involuntarily. Abby’s mouthful of coffee came sputtering out all over her lap and across the corner of Karl’s desk. Karl pulled a handkerchief from his suit coat breast pocket and handed it to Abby. She wiped her mouth and then swiped away the coffee from Karl’s desk. (Leave your answer in the comments section.)
Review several pages of your work in progress. Are you showing the observations and feelings of more than one character in one paragraph, one page, one scene? Rework accordingly.
Would you like some feedback or help? Copy a paragraph from your WIP into the comments section and we’ll discuss.
Related articles:
Point of View Defined
Debra L. Butterfield © 2013