Sentence structure is a riveting subject, don’t you think so?
Okay, maybe not. Me either.
Let me ask you this instead: When you’re engrossed in a book, do you notice sentence structure? If you’re like me, you don’t notice it at all unless…it becomes monotonous.
Last month, I looked at pacing. In that post, I talked about how sentence length affects your story’s pacing. This month, I’ll examine actual sentence structure. No, this isn’t going to be a grammar lesson. Yes, I realize this may be boring, but it’s important. I’ll do my best to interject some humor.
I learned to read using the Dick and Jane reading primers. (Yes, I’m older than your grandma.)
For page after page, we had challenging sentences like…
See Dick run. See Jane run. See Spot run.
This is great for learning how to read, but just imagine how boring it got. The sentences rarely varied. When there’s no variety, your book lulls your reader to sleep.
Let’s look last month’s example.
To make my point, I’m rewriting this example from Claiming Her Inheritance chapter 14.
My left hand clutched the reins. My hands gripped the saddle horn. My knuckles turned white. I’d never ridden so fast. The cattle bawled. Their hooves pounded. I feared my horse would hit a hole. The fear rivaled facing a terrorist’s rifle.…I searched the cloud of dust for Michael. I could hear his voice. I failed to see him. A froth appeared on Sandy’s neck.
Now, because of the unvaried sentence structure, a scene designed to move fast and build tension only creates sleep-inducing monotony.
The issues…
- The first 3 sentences all begin with the same word my. Three of them begin with I.
- All the sentences are short.
- The sentences are simple sentence structure.
Now let’s look the original scene.
My left hand clutched the reins, and both hands gripped the saddle horn in my effort to stay on the horse. My knuckles turned white. I’d never ridden so fast. The cattle bawled. Their hooves pounded, creating a thunderous roar and a cloud of dust that obstructed my view. I feared my horse or Michael’s would hit a hole and both horse and rider would crash to the ground. The fear nearly rivaled facing a terrorist’s rifle.…I searched the cloud of dust for Michael. I could hear his voice but failed to see him. A froth of sweat appeared on Sandy’s neck.
This example contains simple, compound, and complex sentences that vary in length. In other words, complete sentences with phrases and dependent clauses.
You might have noticed the sentences have a straightforward subject – verb construction. That was intentional on my part not only to increase the pace and tension, but also give the reader a feel for the beat of stampeding cattle.
Last month’s 2nd example
(From Discovering Her Inheritance, still in draft.)
But the farther north we drove, the heavier the snowfall grew. By the time we reached the Oglala Grassland, the snow had escalated to blizzard conditions. Fierce wind gusts pounded the car and blew the snow horizontally. Only the tall golden grass along the roadside gave clues to the edge of the road. The blizzard conditions forced my speed down to 35 mph and less. My hands ached from gripping the steering wheel against the buffeting of the wind.
Like the first scene, this one also has the intent of creating tension. While there are several sentences of similar length and construction, longer sentences intervene. The paragraph contains simple and complex sentences. (Did you realize there are no compound sentences in that whole example?) Some sentences begin with dependent clauses and phrases before they ever reach the subject and verb.
Varied sentence structure such as this engages the reader rather than puts them to sleep. This applies to nonfiction as well as fiction.
Analyzing Sentence Structure
Play around with a 1-2 paragraphs from your WIP. First, print out those couple of paragraphs.
- Where are the subjects?
- The verbs?
- Adjectives and adverbs?
- The dependent clauses?
- The phrases?
Next, give each one a separate color and mark it. Third, read it out loud.
- Does it flow like a brook dancing down a mountainside?
- Does it create an emotion within you—tension, serenity, peace, fear?
- What emotion are you aiming for?
- Does the lilt (rhythmical swing, flow, or cadence, [Merriam-Webster]) of the sentences support the mood and pace you want to create?
For a concluding exercise, take a look at a paragraph or two of your favorite books and do some sentence structure analysis on it. Ask yourself the same questions above about the paragraphs you’ve chosen.
As writers, we must be readers. Take note of the things you like about your favorite authors. What tools of the trade are they using? Can you use the same tools in your own writing?
Have a question? You know what to do.